Life is how it's done

I recently picked up crocheting from my mom.. so far I've made a hat & turned my mom's hat into a purse :D

its amazing what you can do when you are bored.

School has officially begun & the amount of hw to be done is ridiculous, my youngest boy hasn't even started school, damn bus service for him hasn't even begun.

As for my lil girl she is about 2 be 6 months,already stand,already sitting and crawling. boy she's a fast learner..
My two big boys are doing so good in school. They are getting the hang of daily life without video games.

Well that is all for now as all
love from I
3boys1girl4mom

She's here

Technically she's been here, My daughter is going on 5 months old my lil boy is turning 5 and school is beginning.
Time flies as always... My kids are getting so much bigger and I kind of miss the day's when they were young.

Life is as life was,nothing really has changed, I love the way things are going and couldn't ask for anything more.

God has blessed me with so much and to him I am grateful.

well that is all for now
love I

3boys1girl(mom)

There she goes

 & I can't stand the rain.. Lols


Well my lil bugger doesn't want to come out yet, not that I'm late but my due date is drawing pretty near && I cannot take being pregnant anymore. 


In other news, My boys, my lil men, my lives are doing wonderful.. they couldn't be any better :) 
My hubby,boyfriend, fiancée is doing good as well.. Nothing really has changed. I still live at home && I'm pretty sure one day that will change. They did redo the entire apartment, It looks so beautiful & I couldn't be happier. Now if this baby would just come out hehee.. 


Recently I've realized that no matter what happens, or where life takes us. People, places & things will always remind us of where we been, who was there & just how much they meant to us. 


I am one happy woman(even though i pretend to be miserable)
I can only except life for what it is & pray for a better tomorrow. 
Always in my thoughts he will be.. for regardless of the distance He was a good friend :( & I miss him. 






Anyways that is all for now
with love I 
(3boys4mom+1lilgirlontheway) 

Its a New Year

& I'm still stuck with last years problems. I'm getting closer and closer to my due date & lack of everything but clothes for this lil girl.

I thought with a new year things would be different,but household wise no one has changed,everyone is trying to depend on me(financially) & I'm just overwhelmed..  In fact I'm so stressed & tired, that yesterday while walking down the stairs to hang out with my father in law(shop for things for the kids) I fell down the stairs, & I hurt myself, but since I had the boys with me.. I sucked up the pain and pretended nothing happened. Stupid me, My back is in pain,but from what I can tell the baby seems to be fine.

I missed my drs appt today, something I haven't done throughout my entire pregnancy, I'm just getting really tired of doing it alone & no one really there just to say good job.

Tomorrow the kids will be in school, So I have to run to the clinic & get checked.. & maybe rest a lil. I hope.
Anyways I hope this yr starts to change.. cuz I'm scared its just going to get a lot worse when the baby is born

That is all for now

with love I (3boys4mom+1)

& the new year is about to begin

I have about 2 more months to get everything I need for this lil bugger on the way :(
at times I couldn't feel anymore depressed. I feel like my entire life will be on hold again, so I can take care of my daughter & my sons.

   The boys all got a lot for Christmas, including clothes which made me happy. Clothes are very necessary...
 I will be spending my New years with my daughters god mother :). I am really excited to get the kids out of the house, at least for one night before school begins again.
I cannot wait til I give birth, I feel like I cannot really do anything and It's taking a toll on me. I'm not use to just sitting around :(

Well I have nothing else really to say,
so until next time

With Love,
I(3boys4mom+1)

Wow Christmas time almost here again

I have been missing out on writing blogs. I went through a bunch of things these pass two months, let me try to catch ya up.
            
Aj started school back at the end of Oct. & they have him saying some things, which makes me happy. He is an expert at using the laptop for his games & watching videos. He is getting so smart,sometimes I can't believe it:)
Nathan finally settled down into school & is doing so much better, they just classified him with a learning disorder :( this really sucks.
Krishen is doing marvelous in school,he just needs to learn to use his imagination a bit more.

I am currently 6 months pregnant with my first & only daughter :) already got her name as well lil miss Autumn Lynn:) I am due in March. I am so excited, honestly I am.

Now for Christmas I was stumped on what to get the boys since they all like different things,but i figured it out. They got a wii & one game to share for Christmas. Hubby and I are going to try to get Aj and Ipad,since I had an Ipod for him & it seems to have found legs and disappeared:( Thats an entirely different story. 



As of now the boys are sick on and off & so am I, I really just can't stand seeing my boys down:( 
I'm hoping they are feeling well before this week ends. 


That is all for now 
with love from I
(3boys4mom+1)

September=school=disaster.

Hello all.. haven't blogged since June. Wow..
First let me start by saying I do not like school.... (at all) Now my summer was weird and awesome found out bam I'm pregnant :) currently 3months.
Kids are all in school, well Aj starts Monday & I'm just so excited... aparently he is mild-moderate autistic.
Nathan on the other hand not so good in school, I have to get this... sit in school with him everyday, I've never felt so helpless... I don't want to be here I feel weird and no one is talking to me.
Krishen is doing awesome in 2nd grade :) he is reading a lot more and learning more than I thought... I couldn't be prouder of him.
I am sooooooo bored & I cannot leave, I'm hungry as well.. I wonder if I should sign up as a PTA, since I'm going to be here anyways.. might as well make some use of it.

Well I think lunch is about to begin..
With love I
(3boys4mom +1)

Hello SUMMER, we meet again

   Time to go through old clothes, pass them down & get my oldest Krishen new shorts & shirts.. He turned 7 on the 23rd yay my big boy... he also passed to the second grade.
I'm hoping Nathan does good next year in school, as for Aj I finally got a maybe appointment for his CPSE meeting.. it will be in July, exact date unknown. At least I finally got in contact with someone who was kind enough to answer my questions.

 So the kids got sick again last week, it seems every & i mean every single time I take Aj outside, he gets a fever the next day. His fever was so bad that I took him & Nathan to the clinic.. the doctor just assumed(ass out of you and me) it was an ear infection. A trip to the park on a very nice HOT day caused an ear infection? Not him nor Nathan complained about their ears at all..

 So summer is officially here & I haven't a clue as to where to go or what to do.. I am having lots of problems with Aj's dad(Krishen &Nathans step dad) & on top of that my close friend,Rj is coming home soon & I am so hoping to see him. Umm Nothing else really going on, just more and more stress. I wanna go back to a time when life was calm.

Anyways that is all for now.. 

with Love 

I(3boy4mom)

umm.. friday??

        It's friday and yet its been another week and nothing from the Board of Education for Aj's meeting.. I don't know how long the meeting is suppose to take but geez its taking them FOREVER. I have been calling and calling and getting voice mails only..

 So I let my oldest Krishen stay home from school today because he claimed he did not feel well, turns out not feeling well for kids and not feeling well for adults is TOTALLY different. Plus I think his teachers are totally working him to death much. He doesn't want to do homework and he can careless about doing activities, but he does like reading more which is a big +.

I have not a clue what to do with them this summer, I haven't yet figured out anything about Aj... I do know he likes being home where there is tv, and he likes to play on my IPod.. I haven't really taken him anywhere,because from past experience he throws a huge tantrum and just goes berserk when we are places. So I choose to stay home and put up with him there.

Krishen's birthday is also coming up on Wednesday, he will be a whole 7 years old, he wants to go to the movies which is fine with me, since him and Nathan like the same thing. Toy Story. :)

Well its going to be another long weekend, and without my phone.. I'm seriously not a happy camper :(

anyways that is all for now
with love
I(3boys4mom)

Just an ordinary day.

  It's Saturday... and all I want to do is crawl back under my covers and pretend I didn't exist.. sometimes being a mom can be so hard. I always think why did I start so young? Why didn't I wait till I was just a little bit older??

 Then Aj hops into my bed and even though he doesn't care to speak, he still smiles and its like "GOOD MORNING MOMMY", I want my bottle and a diaper change. Then Krishen and Nathan come in and say their good mornings and start with the chattering. I love my boys so much.. They are my reason for waking up when I rather be dead asleep.

I go through lots of emotions.. I am just so uptight these days, and everything is bothering me. I guess I just need to breath and take it one day at a time. Well I still haven't heard from the Board of Education and I'm thinking maybe I should just call them myself, on Monday. I want the meeting to come already, I want to know what kind of services Aj will be receiving. I just want to start NOW!! Not in 2 or 3 months.

Well I did shopping today, I still cannot get Aj to eat much.. and it just bugs the crap out of me. I wish I could just read his mind, because at times I'm overwhelmed to the point where I want to cry. Literally just cry and \not stop until I have no more tears left.

I know there is more to life than what is going on right now. I'm just so stuck on trying to find a way, a reason..

that's all for now.
With Love
I(3boys4mom)

I'm still SURVIVING.

  Step One make it through the day. Step to fight back every emotion I can and go on with my day..
& then step Three get out of bed.

   Today only because I had no other choice, I took Aj outside. I don't normally take him anywhere for fear of what might happen. I might be too far from home and he has a major meltdown, or maybe I've forgotten his bottle, or special toy. Or maybe he see's the park and he's crying because he just wants to go on the swing.

While I love to take him to the park more than anything, this weather is ooh so crazy.. its hot then its COLD.. its raining then its windy. I have no idea what to do with my brats. My oldest is lucky in school, Aj and Nathan have to be home with me.. so that means watching mommy doing a lot of thinking and then some cleaning lol.

Well I am just taking these days one step at a time and hoping I do everything right. On another note I am still waiting for the CPSE meeting, I hope I get the paper soon, for I have so little patience when it comes to things having to do with my boys.

My Poem to Aj:
He is my love,he is my life..
My lil boy who doesn't say goodnight..
He smiles a lot,he's always content
His eyes melt my heart away.
I love him so,& sometimes I don't know if he feels dha same.
I don't know what going on in his mind or in both his world..
But I want him 2 know mommy's always there.
(AJ)♥

Tears

I take my time to mend my wounds, I smile and nod my head when asked if everything is fine. I tell him I love him & someday we will be just fine.. I sound like a person so lost in a place full of unseen love. I torture myself with thoughts of a life other than this. 

I am a mother of 3 boys who became my world. I had ended two pregnancies because I thought I wouldn't want to bring them into my world. I have a son who's autistic and I love his smile, his knowledge of knowing I'm here for awhile. I have a 7 yr old who brightens my life with the stories from school its amazing at times, & then i have a 6 yr old is art is so inspiring is makes me so happy... 

I am a mother a sister & a friend, someones enemy and ex and a girlfriend. someones lover someones crush and someones soon to be wife. I am broken and feel as though I'm losing site.I've lost my thoughts but I refuse to lose life. I have 2 paths 2 choices and one life. I want to live it but suddenly I've become so blind. 

I am confused and I am suffering, from sorrows of my own.. my demons I must face all on my own. I can never really say exactly how I feel.. For no one listens for those words I'm not saying.. 

No one See's the tears that form in my eyes.. No one understands the lies...  I cannot continue for I weep. I am shuddering I am broken & somehow unshaken... I finally realize this is not my life..

forgive me lord for the many times I have sin.. for the times i said i didn't believe.. for the choices I've made will make and the regrets I have deep inside.

&& Enough was said

                              I spend most of my days trying to please everyone.. My kids(a must),my mother, sometimes my brother... My Boyfriend.. && Others. But no one once thinks about what's really getting to me. I should just push them all away and continue on with my own life.

    Today I went food shopping, left the kids home with their dad, went to Family Dollar and bought some stuff for the house and then came home to start all over again. But its life and LIFE goes on.

A little later will be homework, bath time & then dinner time, maybe watch a show with the little ones and then get them off to bed. Then I have to clean because I forgot myself yesterday.

 I think that's all for now..

With Love I
(3boys4mom)

Happy Mother's Day

It is a typical day here.. woke up later than I should have.. 

had to deal with an annoying little girl with no respect. Uhgg I don't like children that aren't mines. I spent my time again talking to my mother and brother. He's asleep as usual. 

The kids are of course running around destroying the house. Tomorrow is gonna be hectic lots of phone calls and planning. Aj will be receiving Speech, OT & PT services.. So now I have to find a school before his meeting is set. 

I don't know exactly how to feel about my current situation.. I thought I had everything I wanted. Thought I planned my life out the right way. & Now I'm sitting here wondering if everything I did was a mistake. All the love and hopes and dreams I had died. 

No matter what I know I must continue. I have to go on.. for my boys are my life.. the biggest reason I am who I am today. 

Well as always nothing left to say 

With Love 

I(3boys4mom)



Argenis My very special friend

HAPPY DAYS

Happy Birthday to my good friend Chris(Nova) I miss hanging out with him :(.

        I have one more evaluation to go through with Aj, But I'm thinking about rescheduling it and making it for another day that's more easier for me. I have to go to the clinic so the doctor can see Aj and I can get his medical form completed. I've been spending my time researching about Autism, and I still feel so unaware of what I am going to be dealing with.

 It has been Nice and hot for a couple of days and that is a good thing. My Mr. is sick though.. weird hehee..
So I have to do everything alone.. dealing with the kids,the household, my feelings. I cannot tell anyone, everyone just says they know and they understand and HONESTLY i don't THINK they have the slightest CLUE as to what I am going through.

Well I've been downloading cartoon's to keep the boys entertain,which has been working perfectly for me. Gives me at least an hour to think.

That's all for now
With Love I
(3boys4mom)

I found out

                              Today I found out that my youngest son Aj has Autism..

I still need to continue the evaluation process, next week its the evaluation for speech therapy, and a Teacher will be evaluating him. Then the following week will be the OT(occupational therapy) & PT(physical therapy). I feel a little relief now that I know he's finally going to receive the services he needs.

His father is quite shocked.. He's already starting to go through the process of trying to cope realizing his entire dreams for his first born son are going to change. I hope he finds the good that comes from all of this.

Aj is very unique, he loves to paint & he has a love for games and cars. I am very proud of him no matter the outcome of life.

My bigger ones are doing awesome.. I haven't been able to tell them yet that their little brother is Autistic. I don't know the steps to take to start. Well I will keep updating and keep posting things.

With Love

I(3boys4mom)

If today was the day

              I probably wouldn't be here writing this. I feel as though I've completely lost myself. I wish things were different,but I love who I am (not my life).

Today was as any other day, get oldest off to school.. take care of the younger 2.. Go pick up oldest from school,do homework & pickup.. I am so tired of doing the same thing daily..

So this summer I have decided to go spend time with my dad and his side of the family, long story behind my choices, I no longer want to go into the shelter with Mr. and the kids. Instead I want my freedom.. 

Is that hard to ask for?? How should I approach him with my current thoughts?? Would it make a difference.. 

Well basically nothing 2 write just my thoughts...

With Love 

I(3boys4mom)

If only wishes were true..

I love music like to the extreme.. lols but that's besides the point.

lately I've been losing myself in thoughts,dreams, wishes and things that couldn't happen or be.. lols OF course this sucks. I've been speaking with my good friend Rj(He's in the army) I miss him like a lot.... we were good friends and now we are just distant friends... Doesn't army life suck lols.

I think I may have gone damn crazy yesterday... I had my 4(hubby counts as a kid)boys here, my friends and their 8 month old daughter(adorable) and then my little 8yr old sis in law..  I wanted to murder ignore all of them, they just wouldn't keep calm(like they ever do).

So I was completely off making dinner, I couldn't muster the strength to do anything but play with the baby and my youngest son. I thought about cooking and got tired... so basically I had nothing to write so I thought I just write something..

Oh pretty soon Aj will be getting evaluated.. its about time a doctor has listen to me. I felt like I was alone when I was trying to convince the clinic to get him evaluated, not only for speech, but for Autism also.. I am finally working on finding a evaluation site for him.

Life is just life..

and i will leave it like this(my ghost)^^^^

With love

I(3boys4mom)

TGIF if I may say

It leads to a great break for my son from school... Might I add that the homework package looks like it belongs to my 2nd grade sister in law..
I'm just excited about all the things about I can do with my three boys this week and three days off..

I'm hoping the weather will be BEAUTIFUL not rainy because the zoo is right by my house and Weds. is free :)

Well on another note, I made mac n cheese for dinner the boys really enjoyed it... & so did my cats lol. So week includes library, park, lots of homework, zoo and making colorful eggs on Easter.

Tell me what are you doing when you have the time off?

With love
I(3boys4mom)

&& Then some

Well I found myself today. No not really but I'm hoping to start blogging again...
Its been 2 months now since I was & now I'm not. Uhgg, the other day my son's godfather and his wife were here... They brought their daughter with them, I got to spend all day with her & I wanted to cry.. Just thinking I could have been carrying another little one with me, But silly me I was just thinking of what others were going to think and say.


I'm pretty disappointed in myself, I thought I knew what I wanted... But I lied to myself, I cried and cried and cried.. And now I think I'm just going to have to deal. Well that's that, Lil Man (Aj) will soon be getting evaluated for speech and Autism. He is 3 in a half and has the speech of a 6 month old. I mean granted when he is upset he will say lil things... like go, no, dada, bye, hi baby. etc. but other than that everything is based on well me just knowing what he wants.
My son Nathan got discharged from Kindergarten.. throwing way to much tantrums... I blame the Principal for allowing him to get away with it, by taking him outta class and giving him treats..

Krishen will be going to 2nd grade and I am oo so proud of my lil man who will be 7 this June. Boy how time flies when your having none. He is so good in math, getting better in reading and just enjoying school.
I wonder what good things were gonna be doing with this school break that is coming up.

Oh another cool thing, I got both sides of my lip pierced, It makes me look different but I LOVE IT. lols I love being the ODD ball... I just don't like being like everyone else.

Well I will try to keep updating && Post up pics of the cool stuff I do with the kids :)


P.s.I finally got to meet my neice(she's 3 months) her name is beautiful Jamilah & i think it means beautiful in Arabic..


Well so long
love me(3boys4mom)