Tears

I take my time to mend my wounds, I smile and nod my head when asked if everything is fine. I tell him I love him & someday we will be just fine.. I sound like a person so lost in a place full of unseen love. I torture myself with thoughts of a life other than this. 

I am a mother of 3 boys who became my world. I had ended two pregnancies because I thought I wouldn't want to bring them into my world. I have a son who's autistic and I love his smile, his knowledge of knowing I'm here for awhile. I have a 7 yr old who brightens my life with the stories from school its amazing at times, & then i have a 6 yr old is art is so inspiring is makes me so happy... 

I am a mother a sister & a friend, someones enemy and ex and a girlfriend. someones lover someones crush and someones soon to be wife. I am broken and feel as though I'm losing site.I've lost my thoughts but I refuse to lose life. I have 2 paths 2 choices and one life. I want to live it but suddenly I've become so blind. 

I am confused and I am suffering, from sorrows of my own.. my demons I must face all on my own. I can never really say exactly how I feel.. For no one listens for those words I'm not saying.. 

No one See's the tears that form in my eyes.. No one understands the lies...  I cannot continue for I weep. I am shuddering I am broken & somehow unshaken... I finally realize this is not my life..

forgive me lord for the many times I have sin.. for the times i said i didn't believe.. for the choices I've made will make and the regrets I have deep inside.